Yoga and I don’t get on. I guess we’ve just never really ‘clicked’ – we’re like extended non blood related family members, the interaction is polite but somehow always feels strained and awkward.
My experiences have been frustrating and left me feeling embarrassed and vulnerable. I’ve tried no less than three different classes, all of which were supposed to be ‘for beginners,’ and yet everyone seemed to know the moves. When you have social anxiety, walking into a room with complete strangers is nerve wrecking enough. But when all the strangers know what they’re doing and you don’t, it’s f**king shit! Kind of like turning up to a normal party in a bunny costume. You feel exposed!
Also, what’s with the smug competitiveness that goes on? Is it me or does everyone try and ‘out do’ each other with super yoga poses as they warm up? One woman actually held a push up with only her hands/arms. Like Emily Blunt in Edge of Tomorrow! Although in fairness if I could do that then I’d totally show off…
“Ok everybody,” shouted the instructor, “let’s move into downward dog position!” Everyone dropped to the floor. “WTF is she talking about?” I thought. It was like a shit game of musical statues! Oh and not to mention the endless trumping that echoed throughout the room. That was a nice addition, apparently yoga turns half it’s participants into whoopee cushions!
“What do you mean you can’t touch your toes?” The instructor asked as I strained to reach down past my shins. (Ok in my defence, I’m almost 5”7 and not the bendy type)! She then looked horrified and said “your posture is terrible, you’re going to have real problems when you’re older.” (Great, something else to worry about). I left that class feeling stressed up to my eyeballs. Yoga was NOT for me.
I tend to work out solo at the gym. Social Anxiety makes it difficult to relax in classes, there’s always the risk of drawing attention to myself. (All this stems from school). If a teacher shouts from the front that I’m ‘doing it wrong,’ I just freeze.
And yet, time and time again I’m told yoga is great for stress and has amazing relaxation benefits. So I decided to give it another go six months ago, but this time I would teach myself. BAD IDEA. First I tried using a book, it seemed simple enough.. unfortunately I woke up the next day and couldn’t move my lower back (guess I’d been doing it wrong). Then I tried using the Xbox, I kept getting zero stars after each session, but not understanding why. Don’t think it helped that Rigby was constantly running past the motion sensor thing. Then to really take the piss she did a perfect ‘downward dog.’ Bitch.
So for this week’s post, I NEED YOU. I’m determined to give yoga one more final go before it’s relegated into my mind’s equivalent of a junk room. My ‘shit that didn’t work’ chasm. Juicing is in there, along with green eye shadow and the violin.
Any tips or advice that you can give would be most welcome. I’m talking youtube videos, articles, books, decent classes… HIT ME!