Sorry for the delayed post this week. I’m sure that you’ve all been waiting on the edge of your seats! 😉
Where to even begin?. . . Well I have resigned from my job. I won’t go into detail, but it was the right thing to do. Yes, you read that correctly, as I type this I am officially unemployed. I’m trying not to focus on that thought too much, as it might trigger something and I don’t want the neighbours to hear me running around the flat screaming!
For someone who doesn’t like change I’ve really plunged in at the deep end this time. Lets just hope that I can swim back up to the surface, (I do like a good metaphor).
As I have all this free time now I’m afraid that you’ll be hearing from me more, you poor sods. Unfollow the blog now before it’s too late! I’ve been thinking that I would like to give it more structure. Less rambling about me and more useful tips and information that others can use. To be clear, the rambling won’t stop entirely, because we all know how much I like a ramble/vent/freak out. However, I am going to draft some ‘fact sheets’ that will cover a variety of specific issues e.g. Panic attacks, over thinking, CBT – and list everything that I’ve found to be helpful. The key is to keep things concise and not go off on a side rant about my grandma or a random dream that I’ve had.
Yesterday I had my first mini freak out. Structure and routine are king in my life and taking them away can have serious consequences. The negative thoughts creep in and a spiral of over thinking ignites. “What am I going to do now?” “What is the point in anything?” “What if I never get another job and we end up destitute?” You would think that my anxiety would go easy on me, seeing as it’s only been three days. But no, of course not.
In any aspect of life starting again is a daunting thought. We’re so used to the past that suddenly the future seems terrifying. From experience, my mind is automatically programmed to fear the worst. I won’t go into too much detail but it involves a lot of swearing, tears and visions of dying in the gutter with Lindsay Lohan… or is she alright these days?
There’s no easy way to deal with this. I know myself well enough by now and understand what I need to do. . .
DRINK WINE AND EAT A SHED LOAD OF CHEESE Create my own structure. Unfortunately this requires actually using my brain and changing out of my pyjamas. I’ll aim to get up at 7:15am as normal and will plan out a rough schedule the night before, (this might seem OTT, but it really works for me). I’m a woman who likes a plan!
I suppose it’s all about perspective, I should try to view this time as an opportunity. The first step is to write a list of positives about the situation:
- Time to think about my next career move and what actually makes me happy
- More time to spend with family and friends (and Rigby)
- Opportunity to fix up the flat and make it look less like a junk shop
- Read more for pleasure
- Source more freelance writing
- Research mental health and the latest scientific discoveries. I’ve always wanted to do this but never seem to have the time.
- Improve the blog
- Try and become friends with either Charlotte Tilbury or Lisa Eldridge. I’ve been watching make up tutorials way too much lately. (Really good distractions).
- Plan the wedding!
As always. It’s important to take things one step at a time. . . and we’ll see what happens.
Lindsay if you’re reading this, give me a ring!