wE'Re AlL mAd HeRe

Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Panic… and the rest!

Starting again

Sorry for the delayed post this week. I’m sure that you’ve all been waiting on the edge of your seats! πŸ˜‰

Where to even begin?. . . Well I have resigned from my job. I won’t go into detail, but it was the right thing to do. Yes, you read that correctly, as I type this I am officially unemployed. I’m trying not to focus on that thought too much, as it might trigger something and I don’t want the neighbours to hear me running around the flat screaming!
For someone who doesn’t like change I’ve really plunged in at the deep end this time. Lets just hope that I can swim back up to the surface, (I do like a good metaphor).

As I have all this free time now I’m afraid that you’ll be hearing from me more, you poor sods. Unfollow the blog now before it’s too late! I’ve been thinking that I would like to give it more structure. Less rambling about me and more useful tips and information that others can use. To be clear, the rambling won’t stop entirely, because we all know how much I like a ramble/vent/freak out. However, I am going to draft some ‘fact sheets’ that will cover a variety of specific issues e.g. Panic attacks, over thinking, CBT – and list everything that I’ve found to be helpful. The key is to keep things concise and not go off on a side rant about my grandma or a random dream that I’ve had.

Yesterday I had my first mini freak out. Structure and routine are king in my life and taking them away can have serious consequences. The negative thoughts creep in and a spiral of over thinking ignites. “What am I going to do now?” “What is the point in anything?” “What if I never get another job and we end up destitute?” You would think that my anxiety would go easy on me, seeing as it’s only been three days. But no, of course not.

In any aspect of life starting again is a daunting thought. We’re so used to the past that suddenly the future seems terrifying. From experience, my mind is automatically programmed to fear the worst. I won’t go into too much detail but it involves a lot of swearing, tears and visions of dying in the gutter with Lindsay Lohan… or is she alright these days?

There’s no easy way to deal with this. I know myself well enough by now and understand what I need to do. . . DRINK WINE AND EAT A SHED LOAD OF CHEESE Create my own structure. Unfortunately this requires actually using my brain and changing out of my pyjamas. I’ll aim to get up at 7:15am as normal and will plan out a rough schedule the night before, (this might seem OTT, but it really works for me). I’m a woman who likes a plan!
I suppose it’s all about perspective, I should try to view this time as an opportunity. The first step is to write a list of positives about the situation:

  • Time to think about my next career move and what actually makes me happy
  • More time to spend with family and friends (and Rigby)
  • Opportunity to fix up the flat and make it look less like a junk shop
  • Read more for pleasure
  • Source more freelance writing
  • Research mental health and the latest scientific discoveries. I’ve always wanted to do this but never seem to have the time.
  • Improve the blog
  • Try and become friends with either Charlotte Tilbury or Lisa Eldridge. I’ve been watching make up tutorials way too much lately. (Really good distractions).
  • Plan the wedding!

As always. It’s important to take things one step at a time. . . and we’ll see what happens.

Lindsay if you’re reading this, give me a ring!

Categories: Anxiety

Tags: , , ,

10 replies

  1. Totally get the planning a schedule the night before thing – I can’t do deciding in the morning.
    Good luck with the next phase – rooting for you!

  2. WELL DONE! ABOUT BLOODY TIME!

    Seriously, I stand up and applaud this move. Reading the subtext of all the posts you’ve written about your job, it’s obvious to me you weren’t happy there and it wasn’t the right environment for you, but the last time I commented on it we fell out for a while… πŸ˜‰

    History will reflect this is the best thing you ever did for yourself and the effect it will have on you will be remarkable. Ask your BF in a year’s time what he thinks about what I’ve just said.

    Also, right now and immediately start claiming whatever benefits you’re entitled (ENTITLED) to, including housing benefit etc. and don’t make the mistake I did by seeing it as ‘shameful’ and put it off, then you won’t be skint.

    Lastly, you need backup on this because you’ll run into loads of resistance, even from your family, so only surround yourself with people who are understanding and non-judgemental (i.e. us lot on here).

    Best of luck!

    [PS network, network, network. Get onto that MIND lot; call Radio 4. Don’t lose this momentum. I’m guessing your previous employer has got a ‘gardening leave’ clause on you but ignore it ‘cos they’re bullshit…]

  3. Hi, I just started reading your blog. I was looking for a good quality blog about the struggles of social anxiety and happened upon this! I like how you incorporate humor into your anxiety filled life which is actually a great coping strategy and makes for a good read πŸ™‚ I suffer similar problems and am working my butt of to improve also. Keep up the good fight, cheers.

  4. I like your plan Claire! Look forward to your posts! πŸ™‚

  5. Hello, Claire, I’m new to your blog and am gleaning so much from it. I can definitely relate to your posts concerning workplace struggles. So much of what you say reminds me of my own experiences, although you seem to have surpassed me in the areas of career achievement and coping skills (I’m quite the underachiever but am trying to change that). Thank you for your honesty. I’m looking forward to following your journey while I continue on mine here in the States.

  6. Hi Claire, sounds like a very courageous move! As you’ve pointed out, change is scary to say the least. Looking forward to the new blog structure, and the very best of luck for the future, David

  7. Well done for that brave move Clair! Life’s way too short to be unhappy! Best of luck with job hunting, we’re now both in the same unemployment boat and fingers crossed everything will happen for the best πŸ˜‰, something bigger and better is out there for us! In the meantime your list is impressive, best of luck with everything and especially planning the wedding.

  8. it takes a strong person to make a move like that.. Well done!.. . I’ve done it myself & never regretted it. Sometimes you just need to take a step back from the rat race to really appreciate the good things in life!..
    Freelancing was the solution for me as you’re more in control & don’t have to get caught up in work politics.. It’s the perfect balance… However, you have to keep focused & not spend too much time alone with your own thoughts.. but sounds as though you’ve got it covered!. πŸ˜€ . Look forward to the updates..

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